So serious...

I am so very serious about what I do but I have little momentum left... at this point, I have been failing for years... now it is Christmas, I doubt much work will get done over the next 48 hours.  . .

I hate failing, I hate it so much and it happens again and again.

Second wind...

I have had a bit of success over the last week or 10 days. Things are looking good, I am about to hit some big numbers. Costs must go up, but that is the game. I should be processing 150 inquiries a day so I should be doing 1500 a week within the next 7 days.

fucking fucking fuck

More than a month of no traffic, no nothing.. it sucks, it is my fault. . . I need to get my ass into gear. This is the biggest fail I have had in a long time because I am just letting sales fall through the tracks. This sucks.

Nothing has been working effectively lately.

I have been slacking really I guess, I lost my focus, that is kinda another problem with blackhat that I have...Im just not sure what to do sometime.. unlike paid traffic, I will have a direct plan, I need to get on that train soon.

Im really fucked up now

I make the same mistakes again and again, remember how I was suppose to be posting daily on those private forums? yea, that didnt happen, my income fell off around 4 weeks ago, I took a shore vacation, got sick for a few days finally came up with a new traffic solution and STILL nothing has happened.

I must diversify, and I am doing it now. This new traffic system is multiple traffic types, from multiple sources being sold to multiple merchants.

once I am doing 1K a week, I will start buying mobile traffic, taking as much risk as I can. I hope to spend $500 a day on mobile traffic before the end of the year.

Why Im not blogging..

I have used this blog for years to kinda follow my thoughts and what I am doing... sometimes it is helpful, some times I do it because I am having a bad day. But lately I have not blogged at all... this is because I have moved it over to a motivation site where I am creating an entry every single day.

Once I have content, I will star backing it up and moving it over... :D

So pissed

My top traffic source flopped.  And this is after I moped around for a month declaring that my life had no direction.  If I would have fully supplied myself I would have 20k in the bank and could apply myself to other traffic sources.

Now when it want to work I can't.  When I could work I didn't want to.  Bullshit!! I'm so mad at myself over this.

Now it is time to push forward.  NOW IS THE TIME TO DECIDE WHO I REALLY AM

How I deal with failure will define me.

Not working

Not working is a real problem for me. I just dont want to, and I am looking for an answer ...

This guy...

Everyday, that is what I need. 

tying the knot

yep, im married... too long enough ...I have been with the same woman for 6 years. We have a home, a child... things are doing well.

Now I need to get my affiliate business into gear. . . That means taking this seriously.

The first 6

After six years with a woman that I met on the internet I am getting married. It is a milestone in my life. I am trying to not make a big deal out of it since we have been together for so long but Im excited ... I will be so happy to give her my last name and dedicate my life to her. This is fantastic.


So back to work, I am doing ok, after a week or so off that I blogged about here I had a good sales week last week around 44 sales... with this week being so busy I am scaling my goal back to 30 sales. I made three last night so I do not have much further to go.

My wife continues to express interest in going out of town.. I really want to go somewhere too... but I cannot just leave work behind so I must get my mobile marketing efforts into gear. That is going to be a business that I can ignore for a few days or only work on at night.

We were talking about taking a long road trip in the spring and perhaps even moving in the summer.. we have a long journey ahead.

. . . Must . . Make . . . Goals . . .

Get it

   I took some unplanned time off.. I didnt mean to. I just didnt know what I was suppose to be doing. Work? Yea, I have worked my ass off for weeks, I even put some money in the bank but now what I asked myself.

I didnt have an answer, I worked to 'not be broke' for months, or years, that it was my only goal. When I was no longer broke it was a real what now moment. I spent the last week playing some video games, doing what ever I wanted. During that I saw that I didnt have the goals that I needed. I saw that I never plan my off time like I should and now I am making goals a new thing.

I am using basecamp to manage my projects and my to-do's this should help me keep the momentum going. I am close to having a second project go live. That should also keep the momentum going.

I am also setting so large goals, these are things like buying a house, 200K/month ad spend. Building a reputable business that can sustain for a lifetime. . . Im still in the planning phase here, and I have a lot more work to do but it feels good to face a live challenge and defeat it.

meh

I felt bad a few days this week, I havent worked since. Perhaps I need something else, drugs or a kick in the ass?

I need a break, I really do.

I have been working a lot. I mean a lot, late nights, early mornings. When it is good, it is really good and I am going with that but really, the truth is, Im not used to working like this. It is a long and laborious grind, every day. I do not work 10 hours a day every day, some days it is just 8, some days it is only 5 and others it is 12.

What Im really saying is, I need a vacation. I need to build a traffic system that works, something that pays me when I am sleeping. I am so intimidated by paid traffic lately I cannot seem to take the actions that I want to take. Im going to take some time off this afternoon, maybe even tonight. Tomorrow is a family day going out a day-cation.

Maybe I will update on monday with what is going on.

Who reads my blog?

I seem to always have a few readers, weird. If you read this please leave a comment. . .anything at all.

More More More

I have more work than I can handle. it is weird, and I like it, but day after day after day it is wearing on me. I am going to take half a night off.

Kids, Marriage, Business

So I am making a lot of sales...I get married soon and my daughter starts school in just a few days. I am taking life by the horns and Im starting a real business. Lean generation here I come...

time

I really have the momentum going now, sales are easy, I can see how my skills have developed when really pushing myself.

Now the thing is time, I am trying to double my income and I just dont have the time to do it. Perhaps things will change in the coming weeks.

Alpha is over and Beta testing has begun.

The last week or so my life has really been turned up for a mediocre 7 to a 9. I have worked hard as this blog shows, I have also lost many battles but I am determined to win the war.  This week things have taken off in my personal life, we have a new baby sitter, we are moving my elderly grandmother across states to a long term care facility and I have more work that I can do in 12 hours... it is a lot going on in my life. I am feeling great, sleeping less and drinking more coffee. I have plans within plans, and my affiliate stuff is doing ok. It is still black hat selling but I am building a roll to put into pof. I am also investigating some other lead options so that my traffic never stops (black hat again but thats my background so far)

I will build a real business and I will be successful and I will pass that success on to my wife and children.

Working your problems away.

I sunk my teeth in this week, I have done ok so far, I have a decent goal and I am on track to hit it. its been a positive work week.

Sometimes I dont want to work.

I get pissed 'cause I just sit around not wanting to work. I will work really hard for a few days then have long stretches of not doing anything. If I could understand myself, I would be more satisfied with myself.

I hit a wall with work but I didnt give up.

Much like before, I hit a limit on the amount of messages that I can send to make sales. I dont know if it is too many messages from the same ip, too many within a window of time, too many a day, what ever, it happened.

I wasnt able to make sales today, and dang it, its ok because Im flipping tired!!!

I had to move some IP addresses and email accounts around, the site that I advertise on lets me go in and edit the ads :D I think Im good to go now. I will be hatting it hard again tomorrow after lunch.

Giving up and working hard.

WOW!!!! What a week! It started pretty normal, I did 4 sales on Sunday, then nothing on Monday, 4 sales on Tuesday and nothing again on Wednesday... crap it sucked. I was really frustrated, nothing sucks more than working all day and not having results.

Thursday nine sales, Friday 15 sales. . . This is huge, 15 sales was a new record ...incredible. It really illustrates how giving up is not the answer. I can probably pay all of my bills this month with just one weeks worth of work.

I am so grateful, because its hard, I want to quit, I dont want to work some days I just want to relax and be lazy. But when you see it, when you understand what happens and how things work. When you have vision to understand that your efforts no matter how frustrating create big results it is really amazing.

I keep thinking back to the Startrek movie (2009) Kirk is kicked off the ship by Spock, he is confused, uncertain, doesn't know how he will get back...then he encounters old Spock, who tells him 'I am your friend, you must get back on the ship and force me to give up control' and Kirk turns around 180* in an instant because he now knows the future, he knows the outcome of things.

Imagine that you knew the future and the outcome of important events in your life how you would behave. You would have the most confidence, your would act as if repercussions did not matter. This is how I must work, I must push forward with the most confidence, act as if there were no bad decisions, just the decisions that I did not make, but most importantly, I must act.

Another day, ok sure I will take it.

I had an ok sales day.  Yesterday was crappy but a day doesn't make a trend, I moved on.  Today was a bit slow though, I think I ended up messing around with music and games more than I worked.  So I know what I should be doing tomorrow huh?

Since adcenter flopped before it even took off I have been thinking of my next strategy.  I think I'm going to go back to POF.  Yep, from my current point of view it is solid and consistent income.  Something that I need.  It should be  30K a year with out problems.

Today I'm grateful for a lot of things, my daughter who is wonderful. Hard work, it really does make your problems go away and oddly enough hobbies.  They keep me sane.

Day of defeat

What a long day, woke up to a sick daughter. she couldnt go to the sitter so not much work getting done today.

My adcenter project flopped, no sales on my other gig either. wow, kinda incredible.

today I learned about introspection, viewing these failures as positive experiences. I talked to my mother, she sounds like she has something right for a change... she is not going to move thank goodness. Im glad that my grandmother is in good hands, but I am not certain how long that will last, I have a busy tuesday :D

working hard

great day with the family.

today Im grateful for my wonder family, my beautiful daughter and my great friends. Today was almost perfect.

blood sweat and tears

After a lot of blood sweat and tears I ended the week with 23 sales. Not bad, but it isnt getting me rich. It does pay my bills and relaxes the stress a lot.

I like to think that I am working my problems away. Money seems to cure most of my simple problems. (bills, debt, the car needing new tires)

This week I am going to review and start some blackhat methods on Adcenter. I think it should work well once it is up and rolling.

I am grateful for my family, my ability to work hard and my friends that keep me motivated.

A vision without execution is a hallucination.

Take action, do it and do it now. Make it the best action that you can afford. Why? You already know why.

You can keep wishing, or you can do it.

Make that decision.

Traffic

I dont have enough traffic for volume, I cannot seem to get my backpage ads up anymore...like none at all.

So now what?

This is my journal

I came across this image, it kinda popped out... made me think about where I am and where I am going. I think I do most of the successful things... this blog is a journal right? ...Right? 

I have almost given up.

Since granny ended up in the hospital I have lost my momentum.   I did work last night with a reasonable bit of success.  But it wasn't enough to pay my bills.  I cannot focus, I cannot sit down to work like I need to.  I have an hour here or an hour there I cannot make those hours count.  Work takes a lot of hours, I need 3 or 4 hours at a time to make real impact.

I guess not being able to focus is a problem that along with my home life feeling out of whack.  I don't feel in control. I wake up to screaming and sometimes barking, messes to clean up, a wife telling me that I slept too late again. I cannot help it , I'm just so tired ....

Then the chaos of getting breakfast or getting ready to go.  I feel so distracted that I cannot seem to focus on work.  I just spend my time focusing on escaping...I don't understand myself.  I feel trapped and uncertain.

I feel like I would be happier with a job, a place to go where I was required to do tasks.  A place that I had an excuse to go to.  I guess I can start that with work now.  I just get up and go to Starbucks no questions asked, but just a few hours there doesn't feel like enough.  I am just making excuses maybe?


I was ok a month ago doing 35 sales a week wasn't that hard.  Same situation too, I have changed I guess, but how? Does it matter how? I guess not.

Planning for the future.

For every minute that I do not take action is a minute that I do not get to live my dreams.

Every minute that I do not take action is a minute that I have not planned for the future.

Every minute that I do not work is a minute that I worry.

Crap

I was doing so good, I was building my consistent drive. I was getting better at my tasks then I had a very stressful week with personal events that has thrown everything off. I didn't work this week, not at all, as a matter of fact it has been eight days since I have done anything.

THIS IS NOT BUILDING MY FUTURE

I do not set goals since I can never seem to hit even the most modest ones. I do not understand how other people in the company hit such consistent numbers week after week after week.

The stress has been almost overwhelming, I dont even  know what I did Wednesday and Thursday last week.

Failure

Today has been pretty rough. Yesterday I did my regular thing, worked, pushed leads through the conversion funnel and nothing happened. Not a single sale out of something like 45 leads.

So ok, I will start with a new day today right? My ads do not go up, sales chats are pissing me off...so now I have not done any work for almost two hours. I guess that is better than not doing anything for two days so I think I am making real progress. . .

A day worked without profit is not a day wasted.

PUSH

I pushed hard, I finally have a good consistent routine i think. Now my traffic has floundered today. Im working on that again. I wanted to hit my biggest week but I dont think I will make it without the traffic.

How is it that they do it but I cannot seem to...

This is a draft from 4/19/13 ...I do not know what was on my mind that day.

Being consistent is hard.

Really hard, life feels like a circus lately. When I do sit down to work, I do not feel like I have more than just an hour or two to achieve my goals and I need much more time than that.  Building rapport with clients the way I am doing right now takes a lot of work, and a lot of focus, an hour just doesnt cut it.

The wife also feels that this has been a crazy week, so I am glad that I am not the only one that feels this way.

I did some decent numbers, two weeks in a row and this last week has been a major flop, I just dont feel like I can sit down and get anything done before something commands my attention somewhere else. Even as I am writing this, I know that I only have about an hour before I need to leave to pick up my daughter. I guess that maybe I am wasting time with blogging, but I also feel the need to discuss my problems and put them on the proverbial paper.

Gaming and music feels like a distraction too, I do not have time for them, but I dabble, 15 minutes here and there until I have spend an hour and a half a day just wasting time. Perhaps I need a tighter schedule, I am not sure.

How is it that they do it but I cannot seem to do it? What am I missing?

Consistent

Being consistent is something that I have never been able to do very well. It is why I didnt finish school, never finished college, never held a job for very long. I grow impatient, I let my confidence (ego) get in the way. I give too much time to things that do not deserve my time (gaming) ... I must learn to be consistent, I must push forth... I must do this I have no other choice.

Fucking blogging

I have kept up the pace now for a few months, not a regular pace of often, several times a month. Im not much of a writer, I dont know what to write about most of the time and it is probably always short.

I have busted, I hit March hard for the first week or so then things just flopped totally. The thing about this business is that you must have several projects to keep you going at once. Until the first one really takes off I will have trouble with other incomes. Damn it. I cuss my self daily for this, I need a better solution than this. Im mad at myself because I know what I can do, I am just not sure why it isnt getting done as fast as I need it to.

Flopped

I cannot get traffic again...crap on me

What happened?

I was doing really well for a few weeks, then last Thursday I wasn't feeling well, skipped a day working. Then my traffic source went down, some management changed around and now it is more than a week later and I cannot get back into work.

I stare at the screen unmotivated, I tweak something for 15 minutes and stop working. This isnt good, I must focus, I must to better...

last week was good

I got a new laptop so that I can work out of the house more since home is such a huge distraction for me lately.

Looking forward to make more sales this week! last week was around 36. . . I would like to hit 50 this week

Success

after putting in a lot of effort i got it snapped. Work is moving smoothly and I am working on expanding my income.

How long has it been since I posted? Too long I guess. Things that I need to do this week include scheduling my time to work, getting out of the house and getting out of bed in the mornings.

I dont know what I can do...

I doubt that anyone reads this blog with any regularity.  It really isnt written for anyone other than me, I guess I dont mind if someone reads it since it is generally anonymous and just babble. Im here to post about consistent behaviour, I have none. discipline is something that I lack, something that seems to be affecting me daily and something that I need.

Fuck you

that habit

Im still working to get the habit going. I set my alarm, overslept as I always do...

Tomorrow should be better. I feel that I have a lot of things under control as of today. Now I just gotta get my income moving forward.

A new car!

Ok not really, a few weeks ago I was hit in a parking lot. So this morning I dropped off my car to have it repaired and we get a rental care for about a week.

so I have had a few positive days at work, I have worked about 8 hours total over 2 days and made 3 sales. Now I need to 8 hours a day and I think I will be set.

Now for the really positive stuff.
Im thankful for my wife, she has been really supportive of me she knows that Im doing through hard times.
Im glad that we have insurance so the car can be fixed, its minor damage but still, it will look better once it is repaired.
so much going on and so much to do, Im grateful that I have the skills to do what is needed.

What do I have to talk about

Another attempt at creating a habit in my life, discipline of any type is needed.

Habit

Making this a habit has not worked out yet, finding the space in my mind to do it isnt so easy.

A new day

Its a fresh day, third day of the year...Today I have many things to be thankful for.

Rent got paid, I didnt have enough money, then I had to pay the utilities so I really didnt have enough money.

Then my wife (the best) comes along and says "ohh, I will pay the rent" what a difference that made.

Im still working the same job, doing the same things, I need to change how I am doing these things I have some ideas, but they are not coming together just yet.

Im so grateful that I can pay my bills and move forward now, life is fantastic and it is getting better.

I didn't know I could blog from my iPhone


In other news I dropped the ball negativity has taken over again I do not see a light at the end of the tunnel.  I do not know how I am going to pay bills.   Work took a nose dive, but it is Christmas so I am trying to not worry.

Working on a new schedule

Working from home is killing me, I need to stop lying to myself and acting like it is going to work out. It isnt. This is important for perspective for me, I have to not only have perspective but I need to maintain perspective. I have allowed it to get skewed.

So Im now grinding away on making sales, Im so mad that people can do more sales than I can. It angers me to no end, not only that it affects my life...

Today Im grateful for perspective, without it, I would be uncertain of what to do. I would just wander and never make any changes.
Im grateful for the possibilities that I have, I do not see anything as impossible, just hard. I have strong drive to make this happen.
wonderful support system, I have a loving wife and child, some good friends and they make a lot of difference every day.

New years resolutions

I dropped the ball the last few weeks on the positive thinking stuff. While I am grateful every day I didnt stop to blog about it, or even focus on it. So here we are, if Im going to make any resolution it will be to be thankful everyday and spend five minutes a day doing it.

Im thankful for my perspective, it allows me to see where I am making mistakes.

I am thankful that I can address myself and see my faults and work on them and turn them into something positive.

Im thankful that I have the knowledge to be self sufficient, now I just gotta make it happen.