Since granny ended up in the hospital I have lost my momentum. I did work last night with a reasonable bit of success. But it wasn't enough to pay my bills. I cannot focus, I cannot sit down to work like I need to. I have an hour here or an hour there I cannot make those hours count. Work takes a lot of hours, I need 3 or 4 hours at a time to make real impact.
I guess not being able to focus is a problem that along with my home life feeling out of whack. I don't feel in control. I wake up to screaming and sometimes barking, messes to clean up, a wife telling me that I slept too late again. I cannot help it , I'm just so tired ....
Then the chaos of getting breakfast or getting ready to go. I feel so distracted that I cannot seem to focus on work. I just spend my time focusing on escaping...I don't understand myself. I feel trapped and uncertain.
I feel like I would be happier with a job, a place to go where I was required to do tasks. A place that I had an excuse to go to. I guess I can start that with work now. I just get up and go to Starbucks no questions asked, but just a few hours there doesn't feel like enough. I am just making excuses maybe?
I was ok a month ago doing 35 sales a week wasn't that hard. Same situation too, I have changed I guess, but how? Does it matter how? I guess not.
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